What I Wish More People Knew Before Starting Therapy.
Starting therapy can feel intimidating, but it doesn’t have to.
First item of business: you don’t need to be falling apart to start therapy. And you definitely don’t need to have it all figured out before booking your first session. I’ve worked with clients who arrive to my practice in mid-crisis and others who come to me because something just felt off. So, if you’ve ever thought about therapy but didn’t know where to start, this post is for you. Here’s what I wish more people knew before that first session.
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#1 You don’t need to be IN a crisis to go to therapy.
Yes, some people come to therapy in deep pain. That’s true. But others show up with a quiet sense that something in their lives needs to change, like a low persistent hum of stress or confusion that keeps them up at night.
Seeking therapy isn’t just for emergencies. It’s also for a desire for steady growth, seeking clarity, healing, and/or for figuring out who the hell you are when you’re not trying to please everyone else.
#2 It’s normal to feel awkward at first.
You’re sitting in a room or on a screen with a complete stranger talking about the most intimate parts of your life. OF COURSE it’s weird! I can’t tell you how many times my clients have asked if they re sharing too much information with me. So, for the record TMI is not part of my vocabulary (ask any one of my friends). The best therapists have a ridiculously high shock threshold. So go ahead and bring the messy, complicated, and awkward parts of your story.
Remember there is no right way to show up in therapy - maybe don’t show up naked without permission. Just show up as you are and the therapist should do the rest. That’s when the real work begins.
#3 You don’t need to know what to say.
Many clients come into session stating something like, “I don’t even know where to begin today.” And usually, by the end of that same session we have unearthed something extremely important and relevant for their growth. It’s literally my job to help you find the common or uncommon threads and follow them. Go with the unknown and trust that the process with reveal itself over time.
Some sessions are messy. Some are quiet. And if you are someone who must have the “right” topic to bring to session, then I pose a challenge my little perfectionista. Try letting go of the expectation of bringing in the right issue to explore and see where THAT takes you.
#4 Crying, laughing, and going totally silent are all welcome.
You might cry. You might laugh. You might stare at the floor or look up at the ceiling. Fine. Great. All of that is part of the process.
There should be no performance in therapy. No need to be polished. But yes, that can feel really uncomfortable. Especially, if you were never allowed to feel any of the feels during your childhood. Sound familiar? It can be strange to show big feelings. And to a stranger? Yikes. But try it. I promise the earth won’t open up and swallow you whole. Which brings u to the next item.
#5 Therapy isn’t always comfortable, but it’s worth it.
There are times therapy can feel like a warm hug, but it can also feel like a punch in the reality gut. Growth is uncomfortable. But so is staying stuck in the same old patterns that don’t serve you anymore. The goal is to work through the discomfort and come out the other side a more self-connected and insightful human. You can’t experience love without experiencing pain. I mean you can avoid both if that feels like the safe choice, but I’d choose love and pain over numbness any day of the week.
#6 It’s okay if your first, second or third therapist isn’t the right fit.
You may have noticed, but we’re not all meant to “vibe” with one another. And in therapy, making sure you vibe with your therapist is arguably the most important first step towards healing. So, if something feels off, I encourage you to honor that instinct. And if that makes you feel uncomfortable, then ding ding ding I think we have our first issue to work on. Extra bonus points if you are brave enough to bring it up with the therapist and talk through why you feel they are not a fit. It’s totally ok to move on to someone else if you need to. Setting boundaries and saying “nope” is part of the work. Therapy works best when you feel safe and supported by the right person. Stand up for yourself when you need to. It is not the client’s job to take care of therapists’ feelings and remember…
NO is a complete sentence.
If you’ve been curious, hesitant, or quietly Googling “how do I start therapy without being weird,” you’re not alone. Starting is the hardest part. Feel free to reach out. I’m here to help.
Phone: (213) 595-6144
@melbrowntherapy
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